Wedding frenzy December 12, 2008

Just a quick post before I head on out.

 

There seems to be a sudden wedding craze at my workplace recently. First it was Grace who got hitched last Sat, then Wendy in January. Alicia is all set for her big day in 2010, and now Claire drops the big bomb on us that she is planning to get married too! And in mid-2009, which is a mere 6 months away! Like, omg what’s with the sudden urge to get hitched???

 

And of course, when all the buzz about getting married and stuff starts, they naturally turn to me and ask “So, when is your turn?” since I’ve been attached the longest amongst all of them. And that pushes me to ask my boyfriend “So, when is it our turn?” Haha…

 

But to be honest, I feel that I am asking the question largely because I am psyched up by the whole frenzy around me, rather than because I really wanna get married. Of course, I wanna get married eventually, but definitely not when I am 22. With the increasing number of divorces these days, plus the fact that I cannot imagine spending 50 years facing the same guy and waking up one day realising that I am sick of my husband or something, I dunno if I’m really to settle down. So, sorry dear! I love you much much tho.

 

On a side note, all these weddings means more ang baos means a big hole in my pocket!! Maybe getting married to recoup my losses isn’t such a bad thing………

After the love is gone September 7, 2008

I recently changed my msn add (due to *ahem* reputation issues) and I’ve been keeping track of who has accepted me and who has yet to, just in case msn screws up or some people dunno who I am. Anyway, the point is, I realised that a certain someone (let’s call him J) has yet to add me.

 

J is my ex-boyfriend and we dated for a short while back in…… 2005? Yups. And we got along quite well and had quite abit of fun……………. Ok, fine! I lied! It felt awesome being with him and I cried buckets for months. Zzzzzz………

 

So, the question is, why wouldn’t he add me to his msn list? Well, let’s see……….

 

Possibility 1: Maybe he hasn’t been online? (Not possible, coz I noticed he was the sort who came online everyday.)

 

Possibility 2: Maybe he doesn’t know the msn add belongs to me? (Not possible, unless he’s really stupid since my new add is pretty self-explanatory.)

 

Which leaves us too……..

 

 

Possibility 3: Maybe he hates me for breaking his heart and leaving him 3 years ago!

 

 

 

DING DING DING!!! I think we have a WINNER here!!!

 

Which would also explain why he hasn’t added me to facebook yet. -_-

 

I really don’t understand what kinda grudge could he possibly bear??? Firstly, HE was the one who wanted to break up with me (ok ok maybe I did something wrong too). Secondly, it has been 3 freaking years! Like, get over it man and move on!

 

Lastly, which I think is the part that baffles me the most, why must someone use hatred as an excuse to get over their ex??? I remember he once mentioned that he used hatred to get over his first gf, which was back in JC. And ever since then, he has not spoke to her ever. So I guess I’m not exactly the first.

 

But what I don’t understand is, is it really that hard for 2 people to be normal friends even after breaking up? I mean, it was beautiful while it lasted, so why must things turn ugly and both parties hate each other to the core? There has to be some form of chemistry that brought 2 people together, so wouldn’t it be perfect if they could continue being friends and share secrets and problems and then end up being each other’s bestman/ maid of honour? (Haha.. Sorry just watch Made of Honour last night) By converting your hurt into hatred and channeling it all onto 1 person, not only do you lose the one you love, you lose a potentially very very very good friend as well.

 

So, to YOU – I really hope you can put behind everything that happened back then and let’s all be friends again. You’re a sensitive, humorous and caring guy and I would really love to get to talk to you and catch up with you.

Did you miss me? August 4, 2008

Haha.. After a long hiatus, I’m back! Not that I’ve actually been anywhere really. I guess when you’re jobless and do absolutely nothing everyday, there’s really no need to bore anyone with these details. Yes yes, some of you might be envious that I have the freedom to do nothing. But trust me, there’s nothing to be envious about.

 

Anyway, (kinda) new start calls for new theme! Haha… Yah, I kinda figured that content is more important than appearance! LOL. Also because I still think wordpress’ theme is very hard to figure out, as opposed to blogspot.

 

Ok, maybe I should update on what exciting events happened during the past 1 month…

 

14th July – Exciting day coz…. It’s My Birthday!!!

Went to watch Hellboy II (which I think should be renamed Hell-BORE), dinner at Kenny Rogers and then cake-cutting in the car at Fort Canning. Loved the gorgeous Chocz cake that Dear got me.. Super rich chocolate, super sinful. I like……

 

22nd July – A day my parents waited for a looooonnngggggggggg time. Convocation Day! A.k.a Last day as a student for the rest of my life!!! Wooohooooooooooooo………

Note the 2 lovely bouquets, which were handmade by my aunt, who used to be a florist but is still very very talented. Everyone thought my bf gave it to me though -_- Sighh… Sad to say, he didn’t make it and neither did he give me anything

 

26th July – A night not to be forgotten… La Vie de Vegas, NBS Convocation Ball 2008!

Possibly the best dinner I’ve ever been to! Food was great, programme was entertaining, company was lovely and we all looked damn good that night!! Haha… Ok, abit BHB. But compared to, like, Sec 4 and JC prom where everyone think they looked good but actually very orbiang, I think everyone was really quite chio/handsome lor.

 

27th July – Dear Dear’s Birthday!

Booked a chalet at Costa Sands Sentosa and dinner at Carnivore at Vivocity. Carnivore was nice but as usual the bf didn’t eat much, as with all buffets. Sometimes I think there’s something not right with him. When need to pay (i.e. ala carte), he eat so much and complain not full. When I bring him for buffets, he eat soooooooooooo little that he waste my money. Zzzzz…… No more buffets from now on!

 

Oh and we caught The Dark Knight too. Dear liked it so much that he wanted to watch it again. I thought it was so-so, not bad but not good enough to make me wanna watch it again. (For comparison’s sake, to me a I-wanna-watch-it-again movie would be Transformers. Which I did watch again, actually. And The Devil Wears Prada, which I watched, like, 3 times in a row on board a SQ flight.) But Heath Ledger was good though. Such a pity………

 

With so much activities in the month of July, its no wonder I’m still jobless! Hoho…. Finding excuses for myself. Ok la, August is a brand new start. Shall work hard to find a job before POSB closes my bank account due to inactivity and insufficient funds!

A life lesson learnt today June 27, 2008

Dear You,

Right from Day One, everything that I did, I did it all for you. Yes, you might not have said it openly, but I can see it in your eyes whenever you want something. And for every single thing that you ever wanted, I would put in 100% to make sure you got it, even if it meant lying to the people around me.

But never did I know that all that I did were redundant. For you, I lied, argued and hurt those who are close to me. For you, I defied them and stood up for you, yelling in their faces that they were wrong about you. Perhaps, part of me did not want to admit that the older people were always right. And yet, at this very moment, I find it hard to churn up any more excuses for you. I am inclined to believe that they were the ones who were right all along, and I had been stupid enough to trust in you.

I poured my heart out to you. I told you all my problems. I cried and bawled over how horrible it was for me to be stuck in the middle. I reached out to you, hoping that you would understand how tired I was. Afterall, aren’t all couples supposed to share their problems?

But you stunned me with your nonchalence. Worse of all, you stunned me with your selfishness. All you could think about was you, you, you. How you were affected in this situation. How I did you wrong by putting you in this kinda fix. How I made you look bad in front of my parents.

And what about me? Did you ever care about me, not just today, but in the 2 years and 7 months that we have been together?

You wanted to join the gym. For your sake, I not only stuck my neck out for you by signing up the instalment plan with my supplementary card, I also signed up myself. When you were busy and could not go to the gym with me, I quiety accepted the fact that it was money down the drain. When you did not offer to pay me back the money, be it coz you forgot or you were acting dumb, I kept quiet again coz I didn’t want to appear like a bloodsucking loanshark. When my mum pushed me for the money, I had to take the blame. And all this while, you never knew. Until today, that is.

When you said you wanted to renew your membership, I knew it was going to be difficult coz my mum had stated clearly “No”. And we all know it was coz of your poor track history. But I’m a stupid person. Which was why I chose to sign up for you before telling her. Coz I wanted you to be happy.

But are you happy? I dunno. I certainly know I’m not. Coz today I finally realised that I am really dumb. Your answer said it all – “If your mother didn’t agree, you should have told me. I could have gotten someone else to sign up for me.” Oh, so it was that simple? As your girlfriend, I could just have said…. No?

And when I tried to explain that it was coz of your late payments that caused her to feel frustrated, you turned the table on me and blamed me instead! You actually had the audacity to say that the big reason why she was mad coz I did not inform her first. Oh, so why couldn’t I have been frank with her in the first place huh?

However, nothing hurt more than what you said to me last. When I told you that all I expected from you was a promise that you will try to be punctual with your payments next time, you told me that it was my fault that money was tight. Why? Coz you spent all your money eating out with me and getting gifts for me. Oh, so was I the one who forced you to live beyond your own means?

I’m sorry I never knew I was such a burden. I’m sorry I never knew that every month, you were living such a tough life coz you had to support me. I’m sorry that I did so much for you when you never expected me to. I’m sorry for being so stupid, for doing things that I thought would make you happy when in fact you hate me for it.

 

Thanks for making me realise that in life, some people are just not worth helping.

Do dreams have any meaning? June 2, 2008

For the longest time, I thought all human beings dream when they go to sleep every night, when in actual fact, some people don’t experience dreams at all! I, for one, belong to the former – I dream every single night.

 

Well, it may seem like there’s nothing interesting about someone dreaming. But the problem is, whatever I dream of and the emotions involved often extend beyond my dreams and affect me even when I am awake! After I wake up, I would lie there and ponder over what I have dreamt, and in extreme cases I can replay the entire dream in my mind for the entire day.

 

Case in point – Last night, I had another one of “those” dreams whereby I’m blissfully in love with some guy. I don’t know why, but the people that appear in my dreams usually have no “recognisable faces”. Maybe its coz they have yet to appear in my life?

 

Anyway, I seem to experience such dreams alot. Not that I’m complaining, because I honestly feel so wonderfully doted on when I’m with him. From what I recall, he’s always tall with strong broad shoulders for me to lean on. He’s the perfect gentleman who would hold me in my arms and protect me, and once in awhile he would ever so gently plant a soft kiss on my forehead. (Btw, the kiss-on-the-forehead thingy is my absolute weak spot.)

 

The problem is, he is not my boyfriend!!! Sighhhh… Wouldn’t things be so much easier if the man of my dreams was my bf? And when I wake up, I can’t seem to detach myself from the dream! And worst of all, I would start comparing my own relationship in reality with what I have just dreamt, only to realise that my bf is a far cry from him!!!

 

Am I thinking too much about my dreams? On one hand, I feel so happy in my dream that before I sleep, I silently pray that I would have the same dream so that I can meet him again. On the other hand, there’s this almost guilt-like feeling that enroaches in me, and I feel as if I’m cheating on my bf.

 

To dream of love of being in love, suggests intense feelings carried over from a waking relationship. It implies happiness and contentment with what you have and where you are in life. On the other hand, you may not be getting enough love in your daily life. We naturally long for the sense to belong and to be accepted.

 

Sighhhh….. This is bad

Does a guy’s height matter? April 17, 2008

A friend of mine is having a lil dilemma lately coz she doesn’t know how to decide between 2 guys. Let’s call them P and W.

 

See, she knew W from school and they get along real well. She thinks he’s sweet, nice, caring and thoughtful. He even helps her print extra notes, msgs her to check if she is stressed, does all the gentlemanly stuff etc. Basically, he’s Mr Nice Guy.

 

Unfortunately, there’s a problem my friend cannot stand and that is…… His height.

 

Apparently, this friend of mine is soooooooo particular about height that she absolutely cannot accept anyone below 1.75m. (She’s about… 1.67?)

 

On the other hand, there’s P, who is from a totally different background. Although P is not thoughtful at all, and rather egoistic who loves to talk about himself all the time, he is tall.

 

So when she came to me for advice, my obvious answer is W right?? But her violent reaction towards the height issue kinda startled me. I was taken aback by how she’d rather try to develop feelings with Mr Ego here than give Mr Nice Guy a chance. All because of height?

 

Well, to be honest, I used to think height was important too. However, over the years I learnt to be practical and my standards fell from 1.8m….. to 1.78m….. to 1.75m….. to, well, its non-existent now.

 

The point is, is it really feasible to set criterias in looking for your future partner? My bf’s not tall, not handsome and there’s a million things I wish he could improve on. But the bottomline is, I’m still glad that I have him.

 

You may ask me why. In fact, alot of people like to ask “Why do you love your boyfriend/girlfriend?” And I’ve heard people actually try to answer that, when in fact, I don’t think there should be an answer to it at all! I mean, if your answer is “Oh I love my bf coz he gives me a sense of security”, does it mean you wouldn’t love him once he can’t give you that? Is love as simple and straightforward with no shroud of greyness?

 

As stupid as it sounds, I think love is all about giving. You don’t quite know why, but you just seem to keep giving and giving your everything for this person. Even though he may piss you off till you feel like strangling him.. Even though he may be a far cry from other people’s bf.. Even though you feel like slapping yourself to wake yourself up.. So even if one day you wake up and realise that this guy lying next to you is the biggest jerk in this world, and there’s no remotely comprehensible reason why you should love him… Well, you’ll still continue giving because you still love him.

Love seeketh not Itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care;
But for another gives its ease,
And builds a Heaven in Hells despair.

Is he cheating? April 14, 2008

When you call your boyfriend and your boyfriend’s friend in the background shouts out, “XXX called ah?” coz he thinks that its some other girl who has just called, it obviously means something right???

 

Why was it his natural reaction to assume that I am someone else?! Why would he think its normal for another girl to call my boyfriend when its almost 12 am?! Its not as if he doesn’t know my boyfriend is attached!

 

And it doesn’t help that my boyfriend is always msging and calling and attends classes with this particular girl.

 

And he went out to meet her, without telling me. I caught him in the end, but honestly, what’s the point?

 

Maybe there is something going on. I really don’t want to be the last to know……

Milk Chocolate: A Love Story March 25, 2008

This is just too adorable for words.

 

 

Dark choc + White choc = Milk choc

 

Makes me wanna rub noses with my dear too! Haha… Oops!

Myth-buster! March 8, 2008

Ok, Dr Phil just shattered whatever remaining hopes I had left. Zzzzzzz

 

MYTH #7: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX

• The belief that sex is not important is a dangerous and intimacy-eroding myth. Sex provides an important time-out from the pressures of our daily lives and allows us to experience a quality level of closeness, vulnerability and sharing with our partners. (Really?? Maybe only for a day or two…)
• Sex might not be everything but it registers higher (90 percent) on the “importance scale” if it’s a source of frustration in your relationship.(Ok, I’m not sexually frustrated but I think there’s frustration on my bf’s part over the lack of sex so I guess this part still kinda applies to us. Maybe 90% is too little. I’d give it 1000%) If your sex life is unfulfilled, it becomes a gigantic issue. On the other hand, couples that have satisfying sex lives rate sex at only 10 percent on the “importance scale.”
• Don’t restrict your thinking by considering sex to be something that only consists of the actual physical act. Touching, caressing, holding hands and any means by which you provide physical comfort to your partner can all be viewed as part of a fulfilling sex life. (I hold hands with him ALL THE TIME!!! Obviously its not enough….)

True love, where art thou? March 8, 2008

Just concluded yet another long debate over who is right and who is wrong. To be honest, I couldn’t really care less about whether he agrees with me or not because the damage is done.

I feel hurt. I feel hurt that after so long, he cannot put the issue down and move on with his, or rather our life. I feel hurt that ultimately he still resents me for making such a selfish decision without even considering his feelings. Yes, I do not deny that I thought of my own interests only. But am I really wrong? Is it wrong of me to protect myself?

I have tried to open up myself to the possibility of having sex again, but it is just so difficult. Yes, it may be true that when we had a regular sex life, we were happy for that particular day and perhaps the following few days. However, what I realised that happiness does not last forever and when we quarrel again, the hurt inflicted is double. I feel twice the amount of pain because I keep recalling how happy we were just mere days ago. It pains me to think about why the happiness cannot be sustained, and more importantly, I question my capability to keep this relationship strong. Is sex my only contribution to this relationship?  Is it only through sex that I can keep my bf happy and prevent any unnecesary arguments? If that’s the case, then I should forget about saying sweet nothings to him and caring and taking care of him right? All I need to do is spread my legs!

But I refuse to accept that fact. I refuse to believe that the only way to sustain a relationship is through having sex. There has to be a way for couples to lead blissful sex-less lives right?

Sadly, till today, I remain unconvinced that my theory is true. And, sadly, I am one stubborn bitch who refuses to bow down. Its not that it would kill me to have sex with him, but…… Is sex really that important? I mean, what about TRUE LOVE?!?! Doesn’t that play a part too?!?!

I feel so dejected right now. Boo. =(